Cliche Fest
by mishka-chan
Summary: Naruto is hiding from Sasuke. Why? Because Sasuke is a freaky perv! sasunaru- not that bad but not for kiddies- bad humor- crack!fic
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own them if I did I would have a lot more confidence and money. I just drug Naruto and bring him back to my house and tie him to my bed and take notes while Sasuke has his way with him. I take him back much later in the same shape…more or less. (Stupid ligature marks)

Neji: Those ropes can leave some nasty marks…

Mishka: You should know

Neji knocks Mishka out and ties her to the bed railing…

Neji: Let's see how you like it

Warning: The following story may contain yaoi content, if you just crawled out from under a rock that means boy x boy. No kiddies permitted. If you are prone to nosebleeds please have tissues ready. If you are prone to random crying I recommend nearby tissues.

Cliché fest

By: Mishka-chan

It all started an hour ago, an hour gone horribly wrong. (A/n or good if you are Sasuke or a fan fiction lover terribly right.) I am now hiding in a closet of the Uchiha Estate and fearing for my innocence. It all started with a plumbing problem. There wasn't enough hot water for two showers and so I came up with the bright idea to share a shower with the Uchiha. I am such an idiot. He promised we could wait, but no! If I weren't so smexy this wouldn't happen. Arrgh. The last hour had turned into a cliché fest.

"Naruto!" I heard a singsong voice call. Time for bed!" the 'e' was dragged out in a childlike way. I heard the feet pad past the door. Holding my breath. "I know where you are. Let's not make this difficult."

The shower wasn't the worst part. Apparently because he lives alone he only has one clean blanket so we would have to share. I was willing to try until a hand came snaking across my thigh. Dear god. He was such a pervert.

"Naruto! If I have to tie you to the bed I will." I could practically hear the smirk on his lips. I bet he had planned this all in advance. What was up with crazy Uchihas? Did they all have to be huge perverts, gay, and violent? Did they have to tie someone up to be happy? Did they have to BDSM someone to death? Did they have to get off at the thrill of the chase? Was there a set criterion? When they were born did they get a list of things to do before their eighth birthday? Did they have a rule that said they had to grope Naruto Uzumaki? Why me?

Suddenly the closet door bust open and there stood Sasuke. "Found you!" I was suddenly being dragged off in the direction of the bedrooms.

I woke up sore and heavy. My wrists and ass hurt like there was no tomorrow. Ligature marks stained my wrists. My god I thought I had stamina. I was nothing compared to Sasuke. It all started a little while ago. Okay about twenty-four hours ago.

I felt something shift on the bed next to me.

Silk scarves, silk scarves and rope… cries.

"Ready for more, koi?"

A/N read and review please I will decide on a second chapter in accordance to your review the same applies to all my stories.


	2. sasuke's story Mishka's drunk

Cliché fest

By: Mishka-chan

"You see. It wasn't my fault. It was his. He was so damn cute. He was so innocent. He had one hot ass that I just so wanted. Well it started with a rainstorm that just so happened to cave in Naruto's roof. Oh, so nifty. I offered for him to stay at my house. I mean I couldn't let him stay there. He had no money to pay me back and so…

That's why I did this.

It all started with a umm… 'prexisting' plumbing problem. We were in the shower and damn that tight ass. He was right there so I grabbed it. He freaked. I expected it…so I apologized… (a/n Sasuke doesn't apologize so it wasn't really an apology more like a carefully placed Hn…)

So the chase started. Oh, how I love a chase. I told him about the blankets and so we got in the bed and he was just so cute I had to hug him and so…

You see what I'm saying it wasn't my fault. Then he ran off and the chase reached it's climax. So I found him and um… I wouldn't say restrain more like… adorned him and the bed with rope and silk scarves. Then well you know. Who knew he was so cute when he was tied up or loud… so I gagged him and um… well had my way with him.

So do you see what I'm saying Kakashi-sensei."

"Well I see but you're going to have to tell Iruka about those ligature marks…"

I cringed.

"Um… well Iruka-sensei, um… well . SHE MADE ME DO IT!"

Mishka looked up from her notes and stared at the finger pointing at her.

"HUH?"

"Sorry Mishka survival of the fittest."

"Huh? Wha? You BRAT! I'm gonna so tell Neji." Suddenly Neji appeared.

"Neji there gonna put me in jail."

"Oh, okay see you when you get out."

"NOOO!"

Mishka was dragged off by Iruka. To go see hokage I presume. Kakashi left and that left me and Naruto.

"So Naru-chan are you ready for more…"

"MISHKA SAVE ME!"

Somewhere across Konoha.

"And then I… tied him to the bed and Sasuke had his way with him."

Tsunade was laughing her ass off.

Neji poofs out of nowhere.

"Baka shut up. What have I told you about drinking."

Mishka looked bleary eyed at Neji, and Neji knocked her out.

"Hey that's my new drinking buddy. Where you going?"

" I'm taking her home. Stupid girl."

A/N Read and review ask for chapter I give you chapter.


	3. Iruka is a failure neji gets an uke

Cliché fest chapter 3

I could feel it… a presence I just couldn't shake… a horrible bloodlust following my every move…

A kunai flew out of the surrounding trees; it was flying strait for my heart.

"Not again…" I yelled frustrated. "This is the fortieth time this week! Give it up! Why don't you go for that Mishka kid, Iruka?"

"You corrupted my poor Naruto."

"Bull, if anything he corrupted me."

"That's right just do that; just blame it all on Naruto!"

I did the only thing I could. I ran. I ran fast into my house and locked the doors. I heard a thump on the other side then slamming into the door.

"What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you? You little creepy pervert!"

Then Naruto walked in. Thank God.

"What's going on Sasuke?"

"Iruka!"

"What's that? This is the fortieth time this week."

(A/n that's right kids he wasn't exaggerating. Uchihas don't exaggerate.)

"Yeah! IT IS! Do something about it."

" Hey, Iruka! Sasuke didn't do anything to me. I love Sasuke and I love what Sasuke does to me."

"CORRUPTED!"

"No!" the door bust in and we were running for our pitiful lives.

Kakashi showed up. Blessing and a curse. "Hey there, Iruka calm down."

"Yo, Sasuke… Naruto." He said scanning the scene and knocking a struggling Iruka.

"I can't wait to tell the other team leaders about this."

"You better not Kakashi."

"Oh, I will think of it as payment for taking care of Iruka."

There was a shuffle to the right attracting our attention.

"Good afternoon, Onii-chan, Naru-chan, Kakashi-san. Wonderful day isn't it? Onii-chan I can still take care of Umino-san if you so wish."

"No Itachi. Thank you."

Itachi shuffled across the room and open the refrigerator. He reached deep inside and pulled out a small box. He opened the box. Took out some _mousse pocky,_ put it back and glared at us as if to say 'touch my pocky and die; tell anyone where my pocky is and die.'

"By the way Kakashi no one blackmails my brother and no one threatens Naru-chan. I suggest you learn from this and I hope it never happens again. With that Itachi shuffled from the room."

Later that day…

Neji: You are such an idiot.

Mishka: Stupid old hag getting me drunk

Neji: No this is your fault…

Iruka suddenly busts through the window, and with a kunai in hand.

Neji: Fool

Neji stabs Iruka in the stomach

Neji: Elsewhere Umino…

Mishka: Thanks Neji

Neji: Anytime

Mishka: Go play with Shikamaru

Neji: Yay! BDSM, Silk ties, and I get a smexy uke! Yay!

Mishka: Send Gaara in

Neji leaves Gaara enters.

Gaara: …

Mishka: How was your day?

Gaara: … it was crap

Mishka: How was dinner

Gaara: …

Mishka: You haven't eaten have you?

Gaara: … no

Mishka: Okay, I'll feed you

A/n sorry I know it's crap read and review.


	4. DON'T DO IT IN THE KITCHEN!

Warning: this one starts out a little dirty.

"Na-Naruto"

Naruto knelt between my thighs. Licking my essence off of his lips.

"Hai, Sasuke." He crawled up onto my lap. My heart began to beat frantically.

"Na-Naruto."

"Has anyone told you that you taste delicious?"

My breathing quickened. When did he get so hot? His once spiky hair now had grown out and instead of being uncontrollably spiky now had the look of 'I just got out of bed. Oh and by the way I just got fucked within an inch of my life.' His body had lost all baby fat and had turned into that of a sex god. Of the very few things that hadn't changed one were his eyes. I found myself losing everything in them.

Then a shuffle to the side gave away a presence. Who do you think it was?

Itachi- would have walked right in.

It was Mishka and Kakashi.

Kakashi: Don't mind us.

"What the fuck Kakashi?"

Mishka: We're getting pictures and note for my next chapter. That's right folks you'll see something similar to this in the future.

"I'm used to you doing this but why is Kakashi here?"

Kakashi: I'm here for support because she writes some lovely smut and she must get info for continuing some stories so she needs your help send your ideas to her or just laugh her smut will be put on and you may access it from there she will write the general story without smut here and post the full story on under hyphenation and she will have a direct link to the story. It's not there yet but it will be soon. Also she couldn't think of anything for this story and so she wanted to apologize until it comes to her in a dream.

Mishka: Yes I'm sorry I'll update soon.

They then disappeared leaving a very confused Sasuke and Naruto in their wake.

Then Iruka jumped through the window kunai in hand.

"Die pervert student."

Then Itachi walked in and Iruka stopped midair fell to the ground apologized profusely and disappeared. Itachi then drew out some pocky and began to eat.

"Don't stop on my account."

He then pulled out a camera and began photographing the boys.

After 32 pictures…

"Hmm… seems I'm out of film." He looked at Sasuke and Naruto as if they had stole it, and then walked forward and kissed them both on the forehead. "Good night and let this be a lesson don't do such things in the kitchen. By the way Naruto you look lovely tonight. Have a pocky."

He handed Naruto a pocky. Who just stared blankly as if to ask 'What the hell?'

… Itachi shuffled off.

"Okay I'm done, Naruto."

"Totally ruined the mood."

Naruto tried to get off and landed on the floor between Sasuke's legs… and the cycle continues…

Across town

Mishka: Neji-chan, Gaara-chan. Look at what wonderful pictures.

Neji and Gaara: Aww…

Kakashi: We got plenty of doubles so everyone can have one.

Neji and Gaara: YAY!

They then began to shuffle through the pictures and giggled at appropriate places.

Then on one picture red eyes appeared in a corner. They all shivered Itachi was going to kill them for taking pictures of his Sasuke and his Sasuke's Naruto.

Mishka: Don't worry guys I have permission.

They all sighed.

Mishka: Though I cringe to remember what I had to due to get it. Luckily Itachi's smexy.

They all sat in silence….

Neji: Mishka you do realize that we will try damn hard to kick Itachi's ass if he did anything to you.

Mishka: Bull shit you couldn't touch Itachi.

They all sweat dropped they couldn't beat Itachi even together.

Iruka then walked in.

Mishka: Hello Iruka-sensei.

Neji shuffled in between the two.

Rock lee walked in.

And picked up the pictures.

"YOUTHFUL LOVE!!!"

And they all sweat dropped.

Yeah sorry crap chap asking for forgiveness Review and tell me what you want to see. I've been at debate tournament all weekend and haven't had much contemplation time. Sorry! Read and Review Please!


	5. a tiny interlude to buy timeinternet

Cliché fest

By: Mishka-chan

Sasuke booted up his computer and started to go through Internet and logged on to Mishka's site and lo and behold a picture of Naruto and himself stared back at him…

WTF

He began to scroll through the gallery… Naruto in the shower… with Sasuke

Naruto sleeping… with Sasuke

Naruto…. Let's leave that out… with Sasuke

WTF!!!!!!

He logged on to Itachi's site and a very cute Naruto in the bubble bath with a rubber ducky looked back innocently…

WTF

"ITACHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh was that you little brother? What happened?"

"Itachi where do you get off photographing MY Naruto in the SHOWER?"

"Well he is quite adorable…"

Mishka: a fight ensues and Sasuke out fights Itachi

" I told all you would have to do is hate me to win"

Neji shows up and knocks out Sasuke.

"Hey Itachi a gift from Mishka" pocky was thrown to him

Next time on cliché fest a day with the guys at Mishka's house….


	6. sasuke is cut when angst ridden

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I never will… both Sasuke and Masashi Kishimoto left it in their will… Grr. Ranelle is my best friend… Ranelle is a real person.

We were all at Mishka's house when…

Sasuke: Rawr

Mishka: adorable go ahead do it again angst again …

Sasuke glares.

Mishka: You're so angst ridden…

Mishka: It's adorable! Isn't it Neji?

Neji: …It is… Sasuke's cute OMG! Jumping Jesus on a pogo-stick!

Gaara: Hey! Neji pay attention to me! Hey!

Shikamaru: So troublesome

Naruto glomps Sasuke.

Naruto: I love you Sasuke!

Sasuke smiles.

Mishka pulls out camera.

Sasuke: Don't you dare! Remember what happened last time?

Mishka shivers…

Itachi takes pictures. Sasuke glares and the angst ridden adorable look returns!

Kiba: I am so sloshed

Mishka: Did you steal my brothers beers after I distinctly told you not to!

Shino: …

Shino take care of Kiba.

Shino: …where?

My room is down that hall to the right forth door.

Sasuke: You idiot!

Naruto: I'm sorry Sasuke I didn't mean to…

Mishka: Don't be so harsh!

Doorbell rings.

Mishka opens door…

Mishka: Ranelle?

Ranelle: Hey, how are you?

Mishka: great come on in. What's with the random visit?

Ranelle: Well it involves your brother

Mishka: Brad?

Ranelle: Remember that one time with the dancing and the video and yeah…

Mishka: Yeah I think so…

Ranelle: Your idiot brother has a copy and is torturing me with it.

Mishka: That idiot

Brad walks in.

Brad: I'm home… hello Mishka, Ranelle, Itachi, Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi in the trees outside, Shino and Kiba in the back room, and hello--- ramen

That's right my brother loves ramen.

Then Brad and Neji connected glances and glares ensued.

Brad: Hyuuga

Neji: Bradley Wade -smirk-

Mishka: umm

Brad opens fridge door.

Brad: Kiba drank my beer again

Itachi mauls Brad…

That's right Itachi loves my brother. Not gay like but aww look it's cute kind of

Brad: Itachi get off.

Itachi continues to maul…

Mishka throws pocky over in the opposite corner…

Itachi descends upon it…

Foaming at the mouth…

Sasuke: dear god

Naruto: I'm not that bad with ramen am I?

We all laughed nervously and edged away from Itachi.

Later that night

Brad's POV

I woke up to something warm cuddled up to me…

Click the light went on

Red sharingan eyes stared back at me.

"Cut out the light Brad"

" Yes Itachi" I answered scared for my life…

The next morning

Mishka's POV

Mishka: "Brubba"

I opened the door Itachi had his arms around my brother

Mishka: Not asking

OMG!


	7. Itachi and the lotion internet

My friends J.C. and Derek will be appearing in this story along with Janelle.

Say hello to Janelle my personal muse.

Janelle: Yo. That's how I roll.

Mishka: All right then on with the fic. Itachi and the lotion commercial.

Cliché fest chapter

"Itachi on the set now!" J.C. called. Derek swiveled the camera to the set and smiled grabbing toilet paper to put in his nose when the nosebleed came.

Mishka sat off set with a camera along with Sasuke who looked exhausted. Wouldn't you be after a night where Naruto demanded to top?

"Okay Itachi," J.C. began. "We need you to be smexier than a- a- something really smexy. Steamier than a Sasunaru smut scene and sultry like EP's smexy voice.

Janelle: The only one who can top EP's voice in smexiness is Edward from Twilight, even though I have never heard his voice, I'm sure it would be the smexiest thing ever.

Sasuke: Hey!

Janelle: Even more than you.

Mishka: Let's not get violent.

Sasuke put away Shuriken. (Not allowed at AKON do the grandma test)

Sasuke: For more details on the grandma test review Mishka.

Derek: Quiet on set.

The lights dimmed and the fangirls squealed. Mishka yells something about ' oh so scary Naruto clutch onto Sasuke and then you can…" she trailed off seeing as how Neji knocked her out again. Gaara glares at Neji but lets it slide.

Itachi sat in his boxers. Pooling lotion into his hands. He smoothed it onto his legs and stretched the leg languorously a gentle smirk on his face. "Lotion" he whispered. Suddenly he was dressed and was right up on the camera with a katana and then he said very calmly. "Buy it or else."

Suddenly the stores were swamped with eager/terrified buyers that wished only to own the lotion or live.

Julius Caesar: Oh my I love this lotion.

Caesar picks up lotion and slips it into his toga.

Casca: I am not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay.

Brutus grabs some lotion.

Brutus: it is for my wife. Portia.

Brutus grabs another bottle and then another.

Brutus: it's a gift for Cassius.

Mishka: then what's the other bottle for?

Sasuke and Itachi lean in and whisper simultaneously "lubrication."

Naruto somewhere gets shivers.

"My lube senses are tingling." He then hides in a closet.

Janelle: I wish I had a helicopter…

Everyone stares at Janelle while Mishka dances around singing Malchik Gay.

Cinna the Poet walks onto the stage and says something about not liking gay couples there is a riot and everyone is screaming 'tear him for his bad verses.' After they rip him limb from limb Mishka once again begins on Malchik Gay. And everyone joins in. Sasuke pulls Naruto out of a closet and then molests him. While Itachi takes pictures for his myspace. Mishka asks Itachi if he can get doubles. He agrees. J.C. stares on with Derek a.k.a. porcupine head.

Mishka and Janelle: Shake that ass Danny boy!!!!!!!

The end


End file.
